I probably shouldn't say this...

BUT. We have all heard it, and we have likely all said it. The affirming statement that what is about to fly out of our mouth is likely not cool on some level. I am certainly not pristine in all of my conversing. I am a lover of crafting words. With that has come a perspective of what is necessary and what is filler. What is harmful and what is beneficial. And in the case of the title of this article, what is potentially excusing behavior and creating a perceived layer of personal protection.

I probably shouldn't say this, but. Some are chronic offenders, spatting off those 6 words without a single thought about them. Others use that string of 6 words perhaps just as frequently, but very intentionally. I am not sure which is worse. You have one word criminal completely unaware to the fact that adding that extra bit of language is discrediting the rest of their words that will follow, while the other is knowingly manipulating the minds of those within ear shot to give themselves an out if the next words out of their mouth are jarring in any way.

This topic can spark debate, and I love that. It did in my household, which ultimately led to a better understanding of the intention of what we are saying, and the impact of our chosen vocabulary. So let's imagine this...

A new guy comes to your favorite yoga studio. He says he has only done yoga a couple times and has no idea what he is doing, but knows it feels good. After class you are chatting and he says it... "I probably shouldn't say this but, I really like practicing behind you". Hearing this you are curious about what their intention is. Is it that they are new to yoga and appreciate having someone with experience in front of them so they can learn? Or do those Lululemon leggings do it for them? Only they truly know the reason they said it that way, but in many cases by putting those 6 words in front of their statement they have created the illusion of a buffer, and a potential way out if they get called out. What they might have actually done is called attention to the fact that what they are about to say is bound to be inappropriate...so there it is. Someone who is new at an endeavor surely appreciates having experienced peers to learn from. So what if those words were simply eliminated and the intention was clear? "I really like practicing behind you. It is helping me learn so much about proper form!". Less cringey, right?

Consider Sally...Sally's boss has told her to simmer down on the chatter with customers about the new hair product they are producing because it isn't public knowledge yet, offering her no other reasoning than that. But she has seen the science, smelled the scents and gotten a glimpse of the shiny marketing and that is all doubling her already passionate passion for pedaling the products and it comes out when talking with a favorite customer..."I probably shouldn't say this but, we have a new product launching soon that you are going to LOVE. The smell, the feel, the way it will leave your hair looking... It's still in testing stages so you didn't hear it from me, but you just wait and see!"...they waited, and they didn't see because the new product failed its final testing, noting that it was actually making users hair fall out. Sally thinks she is in the clear because she bought herself protection by stating that she isn't supposed to share the information she just did, thinking that excused the fact that she did anyway. Fast forward a few months and the customer is at a happy hour rubbing elbows with Sally's boss and the cycle continues..."I probably shouldn't say this because Sally told me it was hush hush, but when is that new hair product coming out?". Sally now sadly realizes that those 6 words were not the bubble wrap she thought they would be.

There are countless examples of these strung together words creating a false sense of security for the sayer. This fortress they think they are building around themselves is likely doing quite the opposite of what they hoped, creating isolation rather than connection. We are all seeking connection, so let's get a little more clear and confident about making it!

Leading with the statement that leads into this article is a sure way to get attention, but what is the intention of that snag? Are those words always led by questionable intention? Probably not. But what if we were simple and direct instead? What if we were more trustworthy with entrusted information? What if we used our words like they were currency, not spending more than needed to get the point across? Let's get more curious about this when we say it and when we hear it. Let's treat this like a hard to un-see image, or rather a hard to un-know thought. When you hear yourself, or others, rumble those 9 syllables notice what it does to the credibility of the words that follow - then lets try to recalibrate, enabling our next words to make a lasting difference in connecting with the person whose ears those words fall into. Let's mind what comes out of our mouths.