I think you're having a stroke

That is what one of my yoga students told me after I was done teaching a class. My mind was fuzzy, I was having trouble getting my thoughts out in words that made sense, and my body had been in constant pain for a couple months, and now the right side of my face had stopped working prompting her to express concern.

So I did what any logical person would do and I went straight to the chiropractor because surely it must be a pinched nerve or slipped disk (if you or someone you know is potentially having a stroke, bypass this illogical step and call 911 or go straight to the ER). When I asked him if he could tell the right side of my face was impaired I will never forget the way he sounded and looked when he told me that it was in fact not working and that I needed to head to the emergency room. He didn't think I was having a stroke based on some other assessments, but something clearly wasn't right.

When you walk into the ER with only half of your face functioning, the check in folks jump you up the line and you are taken promptly back for testing. I passed the whole battery of assessment with flying colors. CT scan, cognitive function, mobility tests, basic bloodwork. As I lay waiting in between tests and results, of course I went to the Google to self diagnose. In the ER they were hyper-focused on the issue at hand, Bells Palsy - the paralysis of one side of the face, but there was a lot more to the story.

I had slowly been experiencing increased pain in my joints, skin and face - so much so that it hurt to run a make up brush across my cheeks to pink them up with blush. It became common to take 3 ibuprofen before dragging my pain ridden body out of the bed in the morning. As someone who was never a napper, I napped every day - had to set an alarm midday for when my kids were due to be picked up from the bus, and even put my car in park at stop lights just so I could shut my eyes for a moment. I was only 35, a fit yoga teacher who took my vitamins every day and ate mostly healthy, so I kept riding it out thinking it must just be emotional trauma that left me feeling like I was hit by a truck.

The onset of this journey with pain came within weeks of the attempted suicide of a former boyfriend. I knew he wasn't well. His story is not mine to tell, but it is heavy. With the combination of my insistence to "help", and his families desperate plea for insight into how this could have happened, I was in the thick of it.

The timing was interesting. Five years prior to this, my sister took her own life. Nearly all of that five year period I was angry. I carried that in my mind, and also my body. When we carry something as heavy as anger around for five minutes or five years, how could it not take a toll? I was extremely fortunate to have been freed of this during my yoga teacher training. The foundation of the principles of training with Fluid Yoga School are rooted in compassion. That deep dive into understanding suffering and applying compassion rather than destructive emotions, such as anger, to all situations in our life (particularly the most challenging ones) was liberating. For me, and for those around me.

In the book, The Body Keeps The Score, Besser Van Der Kolk, M.D. says,

We have learned that trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past; it is also the imprint left by that experience on mind, brain, and body. This imprint has ongoing consequences for how the human organism manages to survive in the present.

So back to the hospital bed Google searching. Every single one of my symptoms, including the half functioning face, led me to Lyme Disease. But I had not been recently bitten by a tick. I did not have a bullseye bite mark anywhere on my body and I could not recall ever having one. Without any answers from the medical staff, and a prescription of steroids to get things moving again, I spoke up. Let this be a lesson if nothing else...we MUST advocate for our health! I asked if they thought it could be Lyme. Their first question was, "were you bitten by a tick?". After a little more pushing, they agreed to run one more panel of bloodwork to test for this. They gave me all sorts of warnings about false negatives and false positives if the numbers show in a particular range. A few days later, the numbers came back off the charts. Lyme Disease had exploded in my body. But why, if I had not be bitten by a tick?

With proper medication, a completely changed diet and tons of rest, I began to feel human again. The symptoms I had been experiencing were gradual, but compounding. I knew heavy circumstances could affect how our bodies feel too, so that is why I went there to put reason to feeling so crappy. Turns out, I wasn't entirely wrong.

Lyme Disease can effect the nervous system, which in my case it did, resulting in Bells Palsy. So a follow up with a Neurologist was ordered. After going over the timeline of onset, he asked if any events occurred during that time that effected my mental and emotional well-being. Boom. There it was. He was certain that at some point in my life I had been bitten by a tick carrying Lyme, living in Virginia I had certainly had those little blood sucking arachnids latch onto me many times so this was not a surprise. What he said next made so much sense. At the time of being bitten, whenever that may have been, my immune system did what it was supposed to do and warded off a full blown infection, so I experienced no symptoms. But those little antibodies, they were here to stay. When we experience outside stressors, our immune system becomes extremely vulnerable. So it was the perfect storm. The weight of the anger I had carried, even though I came to replace anger with compassion, was triggered and it set the Lyme antibodies loose in my system.

Many times we do not realize how sick we are until we start feeling better. This is true for the body and the mind. As I began to improve I was able to see just how much being unwell was affecting not just me, but those around me. I had been subbing out classes that were my main source of income, resulting in financial challenges and not connecting with my students. I was not tuned in to my kids and their needs because I could hardly stay awake to interact with them. I was likely a danger on the road given my constantly groggy state. All this, and many other examples, ignited a deep shift in understanding within me. I cannot be of benefit to anyone in my life if I am not well myself. This sounds so simple, and it actually is, but when we are in the throws of life not paying full time and attention, that simplicity evades us.

I began prioritizing spiritual and emotional health, this was like ingesting the purest elixir capable of curing any ailment - clarity arrived. I thought I was eating well before, but even some of the "good foods" were irritating to inflammation. And alcohol, well that is like pouring fuel onto fire - that use went from rather frequent red wine nights, to a rare celebratory sip of bubbly or nothing at all.

A common thread in much of my writing is the motivation to be of service and benefit to others in our lives. By nature, we are happiest when we are helping and in the deepest suffering when we are self serving. We hear it on airplanes and know it to be true, so let's keep putting it into practice - put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. Don't do what I did and open the door to disease. Caring for your mind is caring for your body. Move, meditate and make room for joy. Let's mind our bodies.